ALIENS! SPACE CREATURES! SHIPS FROM OUTER SPACE!  

 

OMG!  I WAS ABDUCTED BY AN ALIEN!

 

 

From: darktormentum@lake_of_fire.org

 

To: master_of_damnation@impschool.edu

 

 

Well, old man, this is such brilliant stuff that I am surprised that one of your students came up with it. I heard that you tried to take credit for it - being the fine specimen of liar, cheat,and general thief that you are - but your student was apparently one step ahead of you, and as a result, he will be getting a small commendation while you, for failing to steal the idea from him, are currently the laughing stock of imp school, which has me laughing my ass off at your incompetance. Honestly, how  a screw-up like you got to be an imp trainer is beyond me. I guess even hell has its misfits, and you are a prime example. If I were you, I'd be getting drunk for a week to forget about the golden opportunity that slipped through your fingers. But then again, you never were really worth much in the long run. Very good you are at the deceptive arts and straight out damnation of human souls, which is why our Dark Master allows you to teach these courses at imp school. Betrayal? Not so much. It was always your weakness, even when we were fellow students at imp school.

 

I have to say this whole "aliens from another world" business is really quite amusing to observe. More and more of the human vermin are turning their focus everywhere but where they should be looking, which is at the state of their sorry, sin-filled, ready-to-be-damned souls. I don't think it has ever been as easy as it is nowadays to fill our  monthly quotas. My only fear is that our Dark Lord will realize that we can do more with less and demand more from us.

 

Do you realize what is happening here? Since human technology has advanced to the point where they can travel through the air in tubes of highly refined metals, we have stepped in to convince them that there are other beings in the universe who not only traverse space in this manner, but who visit them regularly. What they don't realize, having jettisoned the accounts of demonic activity found in the Enemy's Bible, is that it is we who are having the time of our wicked lives running through space in costumes and make up. 

 

And the point of it all? The very point of is all is to divert the humans' attention from the state of their souls, just like all other diversions we with which we fill their lives. A contemplative society would be the ruin of hell, therefore, we keep them in a state of distracted excitement with all the entertainments we have created. This is why evangelism is so hard for the Enemy's soldiers in these days. Before television, movies, automobiles, and the host of other distractions - especially the Internet - humans were prone to sit about and think, something we don't like them to do. Reflection causes faith. A man meditating on the afterlife makes him concerned about the state of his soul. You won't get that swilling beer at a Baltimore Orioles game.

 

Let me remind you of just the slightest bit of history. The creation of mankind was a bizarre experiement by our Enemy in which He wanted to create a race of beings who would share in His very nature. The goal of this fatuous nonsense was that they would grow in His image to the point of sharing in His nature and entering into the communion of the ThreeGod. Mere dustballs, created from a handful of dirt, entering into the Enemy's communion of love? Ridiculous!

 

Our Master got to the female one day when she was walking through the Garden and put a quick end to that silliness. We are glorious creatures and they are mudbugs. It is in no way just or fair that such low beings should be offered a higher position in the Enemy's Kingdom that we, therefore they must suffer. We will tolerate no less. Therefore, even though the Enemy has a program by which the humans can redeem themselves and enter into that state of bliss, we are determined that they not find it and join us in the Underworld. Thus, we do all we can to distract them from meditating on themselves, the world about them, and the grandeur of the heavens above them. All these things point to point to the hand of One who created them. Alien beings make the universe seem a little less imposing.

 

It is a stroke of pure genius to take the immense universe around them and create in it the idea the existence of other beings. Those who come to believe in such inane ideas are the most vocal evangelists we have for the universe having no Creator, but instead just being there. They readily entertain the concept of "possibly thousands" of other life forms in the universe, yet deny the idea that a Creator may have created these mythical beings. Brilliantly illogical. These geniuses never stop to ask themselves "Well, if there are other life forms out there, who created them?" From where did it all come - no, it has always been, and aliens are part of the grand reality.

 

Such fascination with extraterrestrial beings takes their minds off the Enemy and promotes the idea that human beings are not the unique creation of One who designed them for an eternity of bliss in union with Him. But in order to enjoy that bliss - and miss sharing hell with us forever - they must repent. The idea of "space beings" fills them with false thoughts that they are part of something much greater than themselves, a great whole which is in no need of repair,and certainly of no such thing as a Savior of the Cosmos. None of the faux contacts they have ever had with our masquerades as aliens suggests in any way that they are warped, depraved, selfish little specks of dust in the cosmos who need to repent and turn to the  Enemy and be made into His likeness. Pride will not let them admit that, and aliens convince them it is all a fairy tale. The universe is okay-they're okay. 

 

So kudos to your student for a job well done. Perhaps you can steal a little credit for this work by reminding the Underworld of who has trained him. Probably not, though. Other than damning souls, at which you are very good, you are mostly an inept bungler. I will not be surprised if in the near future I hear that you have been demoted to street work, which is really where you belong.

 

 

Your old schoolmate,

 

 

Infernus